Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
