Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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