remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
