I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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