i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
