Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
