You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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