Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We left the knife in your bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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