I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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