My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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