Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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