I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
