she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
