My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
