My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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