why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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