If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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