theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
