Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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