I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
