pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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