we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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