You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
