There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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