omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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