I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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