Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize