So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize