The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
