just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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