What a fucking waste of an outfit
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
