How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
