yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
