Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
