I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
