.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I just sharted jello shots
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