My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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