I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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