She is in my trunk
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
