If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
