Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
