I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
