I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
