how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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