dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
