He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
