just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
