i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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