"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
