my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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