im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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