Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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