also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
