My girlfriend figured out who you are.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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