You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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