I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
