i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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