At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
