I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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