Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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