She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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