I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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