I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
