Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
