Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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