I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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