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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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