If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
