just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize