ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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